Lets talk about a 21st century epidemic goin' on these days.
I like to call it the "List"
The list is something created by the "over 25'ers" of the world, because anyone under 25 is still hopeful and happy and positive. I don't know who told people that 25 is a such a horrible taboo, but for some reason we all start panicking about life once we hit it.
Once we hit this age, something weird happens. All of our positivity goes out the window. All of our open mindedness. and we start doing this weird thing to ourselves that is basically self sabotage if you really think about it. We make a list.
The older we get, the more jaded we become when it comes to dating and relationships. And so we start saying that were not going to settle. which is good. I mean, I agree. We shouldn't settle. But we start getting kinda crazy over it. Setting unrealistic standards for the next person were going to be with, but standards that half the time we can't even meet ourselves.
Its a way to weed out the losers and protect ourselves. I get it. I do it all the time. But it's not realistic and it's not helpful. Every year we get older, the list gets longer, too. The list goes from:
Mature but not boring
Driven but still fun
Funny but the right kind of funny
Extremely attractive but not full of themselves
Intelligent but not nerdy
Skinny but not too skinny
Fit but not obsessed with working out
Likes to travel but also not irresponsible
Divorced? No way
Never had a girlfriend? not touching it
Why is she still single? she must be crazy
Yeah she's cool but her nose is weird
I hate his friends
I want a woman who is independent - oh but i also need her to let me be the lead at all times
I want someone easy going and low maintenance. Gross she never takes care of herself
I want a girl that takes care of herself- ugh she wears way too much makeup
He goes out too much
I want someone who is driven and responsible- he's so boring and serious
we're not really on the same level of attractiveness
and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and and on.........................................................
But here's my question ( and this goes for myself, as well)
WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Like who are WE to have all these specific pre-requisites that any potential "suitor" MUST have? We're freakin losers. "Skinny but not too skinny"... have you looked at YOURSELF in the mirror? "She's not married yet so she must be crazy" YOU'RE NOT MARRIED! Are you crazy?? "He goes out too much" Dude.. you MET this guy at a bar...
But the problem is that we are jut getting so VAIN with these lists. The more we work on them and add to them and the higher we raise the stakes.. the more it messes with our minds and makes us think that we are this massive prize to be won... when in fact, we are not. It makes us think that if we have all these high standards for the next person we date, that the only reason we're not dating or don't have anyone interested in us is because THEY are not meeting OUR requirements. But the reality is... there's just no interest. It hurts feelings for no reasons and we continue on this impossible search that we think we've got under control.
But, we don't.
Ive been on both sides of this list. The receiving end does not feel good. It hurts because I spend a lot of time on a daily basis trying to make myself the best person I can be. So I can only imagine that is how so many other people feel. And yet we turn around and do the same thing to someone else. We have got to stop this, you guys.
So lets just all calm the heck down and keep an open mind and shrink that list. Shrink it and give yourself five things. Five things that you are allowed to require. And then take a look in the mirror and remember what you actually look like. Remind yourself of how ACTUALLY crazy YOU are. Think back to the last time you where lazy and moody and unmotivated ( real talk- that was yesterday). And don't you dare try to pretend like you don't have 30 embarrassing quirks that you try to hide on the daily. Remember the core of who you are - the person you where when you where.... under 25. Because apparently thats so much more youthful than where we are now (I'm rolling my eyes at this stupid idea) Be that person- open minded and enthusiastic and just excited to meet new people in general. Take that all into consideration when you make your new short list and lets move onward and upward to bigger and better things.... like dates and stuff! ( Ya Feel?)
Just remember- you're not that cool. You're not above this post- you need to hear it just as much as the rest of us do. And, actually.. this Blog probably is about you.