I like a lot of things about myself. I come off pretty confident to say the least. Im not actually as confident as I may seem, but i come off pretty confident. Cocky, even.. at times. But the thing I like about myself the most is that i don't take myself too seriously. I learned this from my dad. In my opinion my dad is the funniest, coolest, most reliable and fiercely loyal person I've ever known. but its not just me that thinks this. I can honestly say that I have never met a single person in the world that doesn't like my dad. He is a likable Guy. He makes people feel comfortable, always. No matter the situation, or how much of an a$$ hole the person may be. And its because he doesn't take himself too seriously. He just doesn't see the point. So people like him. But does this keep people from disrespecting him? No. And it makes me more angry than most things in this life. Because he is the least deserving person of what can be down right malicious disrespect. And yet, he honestly doesn't care. Because he doesn't take himself too seriously. He knows he has me and my mom who have his back and that's all he needs. He constantly will just laugh when he hears something ridiculous and hurtful someone says about him and just say " I don't care. it's obviously not my problem. Their opinion means nothing to me" And he honestly doesn't care. He continues to show so much love and respect to those same people day after day. No matter how little they deserve it.
I'm still trying to do what dad does.
Because unfortunately I do care. Because most people DO take themselves too seriously. I've been made fun of for my enthusiasm and energy since I was a kid. I've honestly never been worried about doing what's cool- even when I was like, 9. We had a state report and an animal report and all the kids chose dolphins and lions and Alaska and New York and they had all these cool fancy projects and reports... that their parents 100% did by the way. And you know what I did? I chose a squirrel and the state of New Jersey. And I decided to make a feature film produced 100% by NOT my parents. And it was so crappy and messy and basically.. something a 9 year old would do. And I was like... so proud. I loved those reports and I thought it was hilarious.. and when my snotty classmates where like " It looks messy" and "Why did you do it that way" I was like, "uhhhh cause I'm 9 and this is 4th grade and it was fun and I think squirrels where a hilarious choice?" I just kinda like and do weird, funny, awkward stuff sometimes and I've always been so confident in my silly ways, determined that people would see my positive motives and good heart.
But ya'll need to get over yourself.
What I've done to myself by being like this is made myself an easy target. I've always believed that as long as I tried my very hardest to be an honest kind person, that people would respect me. But apparently being a good person isn't enough to gain respect sometimes. Because people take themselves too seriously and in turn expect the same from others. People take themselves too seriously because they're insecure. And it makes me feel bad for them. Because I've been skipping and jumping around for 28 years, confident and happy, and being silly, and forgetting dumb things, and driving up in a messy car with loud music, and trusting people with my embarrassing secrets and situations just so I can make them laugh, and just cause i trust that they'll have my back cause.. why not?.... I get sad for people that are unable to live life like that. I've been purposely going through these same 28 years trying my very hardest ( and sometimes it does not succeed ) to just ignore and not believe that grown adults can still be bullies. That people who claim to be your friends are not always loyal. Because those are the things that, if we think about it for too long, will make us insecure. And thats how you create a person that says horrible things about someone else for literally no other reason than to make themselves feel better, valid, important.. who knows, honestly. Maybe just to have some juicy gossip and sound interesting?
But sometimes its too hard to ignore. And i find that the longer I've kept myself in the dark, the more my heart breaks when I learn the truth. And its making me insecure. And I hate it. I hate myself this way. Because I'm a good person. And I'm fun and I like to dance all the way to the front door and talk too loud while accidentally spilling coffee all over my shirt. Just like dad. So instead of letting it make me sad like it has been lately, and crying like I can only imagine so many others who have been bullied before have cried, I'm just gonna say this:
To the people that say those mean things about anyone that genuinely trusts you. To the people that need a common denominator to talk about because they don't have enough of their own conversation. To the people that are so worried about what everyone thinks of them that they cant IMAGINE anyone living life any other way. To The people that are willing to throw someone.. anyone... under the bus for a good story. Even to the people that will read this and roll their eyes and make fun of how dramatic it sounds, and how dramatic I am, and how I misspelled five words. Stop talking. Be nice to people. Pretend it was you. Have some honest to God natural affection.
Get over yourself.