My Heart Hurts so Good

You know what i think? I think love is the worst thing that could happen to a person. I think it confuses us and frustrates us and makes us act crazy. And the worst part is once we've experienced it one time, we feel like we can't breath without it. We spend our life searching for it.  Don't lie to yourself. Don't tell me that you don't spend a solid 45% of your time thinking about, or hoping for, or wondering "what if" when it comes to love. Because in one way or another... 

you do. 

You know what else i think? I think we all react to wanting this feeling in horribly different ways. Some people act overly emotional. Some people act out of desperation. Some people close themsleves off. Some people are just downright mean to people that don't deserve it because they are protecting themsleves. I've been treated so so so so well by people that loved me and people that I've loved. I've been treated so so so horribly by people that loved me and people that I loved. I've been an absolute monster to someone I was in love with and i've desperately done everything in my power to earn the love of someone I didn't even care about that much. Once you've felt the raw emotions that come with love and even worse, the raw emotions that come with any form of heartbreak, you'll do anything you have to, to protect yourself from being hurt. You'll also do anything you have to do to  fill your heart up again. And rightfully so.  Because its the worst thing that could happen to a person. But its also the best thing that could happen to any single human being. 

I don't have any specific motive behind this blog like my last one. Im not trying to encourage anyone to do anything.  Rather, i'm just sitting her preparing to write my blog about my Australia trip and my cross country road trip, ( which feels quite daunting)  and thinking about all the adventures i've had this past year. Im thinking about all the people I've met and  the emotional rollercoaster my heart has gone on in just 365 days.  And its reminding me that love is still the best and worst part of every story. Running ..even flying away from love, searching for love, hoping for love, wishing for love, waiting for love, running away from it as fast as i could, putting it in a little box in the back of my closet and telling it i'll re-visit it later.

All the people i've met this last year all have one thing in common. Everyone wants this horribly torturous feeling just as much as the next person.

Some of us are trying to figure out how to feel it for the first time, some are too hurt to even  think about it, some of us legitimately don't know how to get started again, some of us are searching for it desperately. But the funny thing is all of us say the same thing. "I mean, if it happens it happens but i'm not really looking" The #1 quote of any single millenial. Be seriously, shut up. Because we, in fact, ARE looking.  In one way or another.  Its all we really want. Its the stuff of life. And thats ok. At the risk of sounding cliche...Let's just remember that this is how we feel so that we can give love a chance. Give it several chances. We're all in the same boat. Lets keep an open mind and an open heart. Take some chances. Stop acting like you're 15 and worried about awkwardness, or rejection or what your friends will think. 

Ok do this, but also do this within reason. Don't go crazy, jeeze.

 This is actually more of a dear diary for myself, I guess. A reminder that its ok to feel all these feels because everyone else is too, even if no one wants to admit it. And not just girls. Not just dramatic girls over a bottle of wine. Full grown men. The guys that act the toughest. The friend that acts the busiest. The brother that is constantly traveling. The biggest flirt you know. And the friend who says they hate going out and just want to watch Netflix. We all want it and were all afraid of it.   

Because its the worst thing that could happen to a person.

And its also the best thing that could ever happen to any single human being. 


Photo: Linda Betty Manysha, Brooklyn NY 

Photo: Linda Betty Manysha, Brooklyn NY